“..Lord, please continue to be with me,
mold me & use me during this training…
Break my heart Lord... Break it until I can’t do anything else
but cry to you for help…” - Journal entry: 02/15/09

Talk about answered prayers.  That was what I wrote in my journal during my second day of training.  It’s funny how just the other day I was reading over my journal and I came to a realization that God has provided for me once again.  Indeed there was a lot of molding and breaking of Kaye that the Lord did (and is still doing) during my entire month of provincial immersion.  I was tested physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  I was put in a position where it was just me and God.  At first, the brat that I am, it felt like a battle between me and Him, but just as I arrived at my provincial area, the Lord never failed to show me how much love he has for me…

No amount of training could have ever prepared me for what was about to transpire while I went on my provincial immersion.  Let’s be honest, as soon as I learned where and how we were going to get to our provincial areas, I hesitated…A LOT.  I was so overwhelmed with anxiousness and stress of not knowing where I was going to end up that I completely disregarded how GREAT our God truly is.  It was as if I had forgotten that He will never ever abandon me.  Each missionary-in- training was to be sent in a province alone, where he or she has specific tasks to accomplish.  In addition to this, he or she was only allowed to take 3000 pesos (approximately $60+) as spending money (to cover food, transportation, etc.) for the entire month. Trust me while our training head was explaining all these details to us you can just imagine the mortified look on my face.  I think my expression was a mixture of laughter and tears.  It was too much for me.  I thought to myself, “Really, Lord? You really are sending me to The Ends of the Earth.” I only heard a voice asking me over and over, “Kaye, do you love me?”  There was no turning back. 

All of the trainees were assigned in the North Western part of Luzon – where it was hot and humid.  The provinces were: Pangasinan, La Union, Baguio, Mountain Province, Ilocos Norte, Abra, & Apayao.  My assignment was in Bangued, Abra, which was about a 9-10 hour bus ride away from Manila.  Next thing I knew, I was told I was to ride the bus and find my host’s house.  My first thought was fear - to be alone, the next was how to find my host’s house.  All I received was a sheet of paper containing the name of the town and the general area where it would be…no house number, no host contact info…I was to fend for myself. I started to panic. I was completely reluctant to the idea that I was not aware that I was blocking the Lord to work in me. But here I am, alive and well, sharing my story to my loved ones.  God never abandoned me although at the time I failed to acknowledge his presence.  When I found my host house, all the signs of anxiousness and stress started to dissipate.  “See, I told you, you’re not alone.  I AM here with you. You silly girl!”  I knew I was going to be okay and I was going to have the time of my life!

There were a lot of first time experiences for me as my immersion went on.  I experienced riding behind a motorcycle, eating some of Abra’s delicacies (ant eggs, bittermelon leaves, mini clams, goat head, etc.), living with chickens (for those who don’t know I have a massive bird phobia), riding behind a motorcycle holding lit candles on both hands, packing light, going to daily mass in Ilocano, a dialect which I am completely unfamiliar with, and many more.  But the best part of my immersion is being humbled by our Lord again and again. 

The people of Abra are very hospitable and generous, especially the CFC community! The CFCs here are energetic, the YFCs are rousing, and the SFCs are steadfast! All ministries are Moving Forward in Christ! 

Another thing I admire about the people here is their benevolence.nbsp; Even though they do not have a lot, they are willing to share everything with you. What struck me the most is their generosity to support the church – and not just through serving the church but also by giving monetarily.  Bangued is a small town where people live simply, and to see each person offer their time, talent, and treasure to the Lord was just amazing!  How many times have I decided I did not want to give a talk, or lead a camp, or even give my last penny to the poor?  Many times.  For me to witness others, who don’t have a lot, give whatever they could to the Lord was really a humbling experience.  Praise the Lord for those moments when God makes us realize that we need to be better people…better Christians to one another.

Going through this experience, I have learned a lot.  Not really on how I am going to be FTW Kaye in the South East – but I have learned a lot about myself.  Just when I think I am being pushed to my limit, God picks me up and encourages me to go further.  There’s nothing like a month of alone time with God!  When I was able to adjust to living in Abra, I was able to open up to God more and more.  Even though I walked alone, I knew that He was there with me.  I also have learned to love this place and its people.  I can never be thankful enough to my Titos and Titas here in Abra, who have made me feel welcome and made me feel like I am part of their family.  My host family here has been nothing but kind and loving to me.  They really go out of their way to take good care of me.  For instance, the week before I left for Cebu I got sick with the common cold.  My host mom and her daughter (my ate) showed deep concern and insisted that I go to the doctor.  So my host dad took me to the clinic for a check-up and bought me some medicine.  I was greatly touched by their thoughtful gesture. 

A week later the Youth for Christ International Leaders Conference (YFC -ILC) took place in Cebu.  All the trainees and other missionaries were reunited.  It was another amazing experience for me!  I mentioned in my first update about the SFC ICON and how I witnessed 7000 SFCs knelt down before the Blessed Sacrament; but picture this: 9000 YFCs kneeling before the Lord!!!  It’s so amazing to be part of that great experience!  I was inspired by how the youth showed their love and reverence to our Lord!  It was definitely the best part of conference for me.  9000 YFCs…Man that’s our future right there!  Those kids are our future missionaries, priests, future SFCs, CFCs, HOLDs, & SOLDs, our future leaders who will step up for God!  My prayers are always with them. I honor all the YFCs all around the globe and I thank them for truly being an inspiration to me!

After a fun-filled, Jesus-filled ILC, it was time to spend my last week in Abra, and the timing could not have been more perfect because that last week was Holy Week.  It was something that I was looking forward to since day one of training; to be able to celebrate Holy Week in the province.  That’s something I remember while I was a child growing up in the Philippines.  Holy Week is a sacred week, full of events surrounding Jesus’ passion and resurrection.  I never really got the chance to fully experience these events in the States because it’s celebrated differently.  In the provinces, actually in the Philippines, Holy week is an important part of the Filipino-Catholic tradition.  I recall my whole family participating in the readings and the processions that occurred during that time.  Also, the mood is very solemn, especially here in Abra.  I am so blessed to be able to witness how Christ’s passion is celebrated here.  The Cathedral was filled each day with people praying and reflecting.  The processions they had were lavish and you could tell that there was a lot of hard work involved in it.  Everyone participated – people walked the processions, people served at mass, people went to Adoration, people fasted– all for their love and respect for Jesus.  Also,  Abra has a special way of celebrating the Easter vigil.  They start out with the blessing of the fire (a bonfire made outside the Cathedral) and then the Bishop lights the Paschal candle and brings it inside the church where people were able to light their own candles.  After the vigil, I saw people carrying their lit candles outside the church as they went home.  It’s a tradition in Abra for the people to bring the lit candles to bring blessings in their homes.  I was able to experience it as I rode as a motorcycle passenger carrying a lit candle in each hand!  I was so scared to put the candles out more than I was scared of falling off and getting a concussion!  Then the day that the Lord has made finally came – Jesus resurrected from the dead, there was another procession called Salubong (Mama Mary and Jesus meet) early in the morning followed by extravagant Easter Sunday masses (they had 5 church masses that day).  The Cathedral was filled with people greeting each other “Happy Easter!”  I am so thankful I was able to take part in the Holy Week festivities.  I also realized that not only am I proud to be Catholic but I am also proud to be a Filipino-American Catholic!

As my immersion ends here in Abra, I will always have these memories to cherish.  I will never forget the people I have met here and I will always be grateful to them.  I have met an extended family here and I know that I am always welcome to visit them!

I am in the final month of training here in the Philippines.  I am enjoying every bit of it!  I can’t deny that at times I do miss home but I know that God has a purpose for me here.  I look forward to what is ahead in the next month and also the next years of serving the Lord!

I pray that all of you are doing well!  I miss everyone!  My prayers are always with you!

God Bless!